This update has been a long time coming. Part of the delay I realize is not wanting again to be known as that guy in the hospital with all his medical problems... After all this is my third hospital stay in five years... And yes the rational and reasonable part of me knows that you don't think of me like that.
My primary doctor returned Sent from my iPhone
While I am happy with his prognosis I also find myself feeling scared at how things could have turned out for me... I dodged a bullet for sure thanks to a great medical team and all of your support.
I have also learned that the most likely explanation for the abdominal bleed (what landed me in ER) was a congenital aneurism. So something that I was born with. Damn life is fragile and unpredictable. There are no guarantees.
So I sit with these feelings and thoughts sometimes. I would sum these up or wrap up these thoughts by saying that this most recent and unplanned medical rodeo has shaken my belief in my own mortality. And I feel a bit shaky when I think about going back into the world and living my life after experiencing a pretty severe disruption to my own mortality. The question for me is how to get back to doing the things I love while also holding this awareness of the fragility of life?
Other experiences include some feelings of loss over missing out on the last two and a bit months of my life... But as Tina says life is just on pause for the moment and I have a long long life ahead of me. I think there are also feelings of loss over the change into anatomy as well... One plumbing arrangement to another.
Maybe the processing of all this is one reason why I don't find myself reading much or taking up another activity; and instead find myself wanting to watch Netflix. Now if only I was better at giving myself permission to do just that. Life is short and precious... Why waste it in front of a TV? I'll get over myself.
It's a long road of recovery and this isn't the first time I've done it and I'll do it again. 2016 will be an interesting year as as soon as I am healed from this surgery I will most likely start chemo to help control the Desmoid tumours that I have. These are non cancerous but can grow to impinge upon the functioning of other organs. The good news is that I have taken the chemo before and it worked and it did not have the toxicity to the body as other chemo does (I had no hair loss etc...)
Given my unemployed status at the moment I might just ditch traditional employment and garden from Spring to Fall with Green Guys on The Drove while finding some way to earn a modest amount of money.
Yes... It's going to be an interesting (aka challenging, eventful, fun) year.
I hope all of you had a good holiday and that the new year is looking brighter for all of you.
Lots of love,
Dan and Company
We got this... This has been the mantra of Dan's friends and family as they help him navigates a difficult medical rodeo ride. This blog contains entries from Dan as well as his friends and family.