Cariboo Blue

Poplar leaves flickering back and forth set against a clear blue Cariboo sky is a very clear memory of mine from my childhood of growing up on my Dad's guest ranch (Big Bar Guest Ranch). It's a deep memory as I spent plenty of time outside on the Guest Ranch either working or playing and a poplar in full bloom set against a clear blue sky was a very common sight. 

At just over one year since almost dying in the ICU at Saint Paul's 3-4 times this memory has become even more precious to me as it also reminds me of the fragility of life.  It is a reminder to me just how quickly my life can change.  

A gust of wind comes along and the poplar leaves have no choice but to flicker back and forth showing the top and the bottom of each leaf with the hope that the wind doesn't blow so strong that the leaf is separated from its tenous connection to the tree.  The Cariboo blue sky combined with the colours of the poplar tree is so beautiful that it reminds how beauftiful  nature and life can be.  

Yes having contact with my own mortality has for the most part been a difficult and unpleaseant experience for myself.  And there have been a few gifts.  

And this deeper awareness of the fragility of life has been one of them. From being a young adult looking to set myself up as a learning and development contractor working on three videos on Fetal Alchohol and Sex for a friend of mine to being in the worst pain in my life and being dependant on a group of doctors to save my life.  Life can change so damned fast.  Almost as fast as the leaves on a poplar tree flicker back and forth in the wind of change. 

Before this experience I remember hearing the popular saying of not to worry too much about one's health as any of us could be hit by a bus at any moment.   I think this isn't a very helpful saying for someone like myself who is in the middle of his own existential anxiety (I'll write more about this later). I do have a deeper and more connected experience with how fast that bus can travel just as I can feel the strength of the Cariboo breeze against my face and the twinkling of the poplar leaves against the clear blue sky of the Cariboo.